Feenin' to work out today. Wondering if I was compelled by body & results or if I do it because I seriously enjoy it..Hmm. Still haven't figured it out. Period starts tomorrow so I know had to get laid a-sap or else I would be feenin' for sex for the next 6 days. Text'd Om, told em' I missed him and then everything fell through from there. As I was going there, I wonder if this was something that went against principle. I then told myself that sex is a need, reminded myself that everything and everyone results in essentially nothing (objects, and their minds that they store with irrelevant matters, judgements, attainments which is nun-ting maaan) and then quieted my mind and breathed in the present..
Sometimes I catch myself dwelling on my so-called faults and self proclaimed failures, but then I realize how many blessings I am blessed with and soon feel better. . I have to let go of willfulness, because as soon as I do nature is right back on my side. Why in the hell do I struggle with this when the concept is so basic?
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